Unlocking the Hidden Power of Connections!

From her ever so famous books, interviews, and TEDTalks, she discusses her research around shame, courage, and vulnerability. Trying to “unravel” the connection. Which is all quite fitting to the dreaded feeling of networking. We may feel shame, perhaps don’t have enough courage, and are utterly terrified to the bones to show our vulnerable side.

Let’s dive into this a bit further.

This is how Brene explain shame, and how it flows into vulnerability …

“The things I can tell you about it: It’s universal; we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this “I’m not good enough” — which, we all know that feeling: “I’m not blank enough. I’m not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough. The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”

And Brene continues with this …

“And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so, I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I’m going in, I’m going to figure this stuff out, I’m going to spend a year, I’m going to totally deconstruct shame, I’m going to understand how vulnerability works, and I’m going to outsmart it.” 

So, what Brene learned through her many years in the field of this research, is that we tend to numb vulnerability — this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability. 

And I really do strongly feel that this is where all this networking dread and fear stems from … we’re afraid to let people see who we truly are. We can’t just walk up to someone, introduce ourselves, tell them what we do, how awesomely great our business is, then say, here’s the bad stuff … here’s vulnerability, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. Then move onto the next person — rinse and repeat.

If we did that, we’d look like a crazy person. Word would float around the room, then perhaps even in emails and on social, then our business would really be in trouble. But not because you told the truth and laid yourself all out for everyone to see … the good, the bad, and the ugly … but because people don’t necessarily have the courage to be vulnerable. It’s a foreign concept to most.

After attending way more events than I can even count, I think the best way to get over this fear is to think about what you have to offer. It doesn’t matter if you have a business to promote or a product to sell, you know things that other people don’t. Your knowledge could be valuable to someone else.

If what you’re afraid of is coming across as overly network-y, stop worrying about what you can get out of being there, and start thinking about what you can give. Stop selling and start asking questions. It won’t take long for you to find ways to help people, and your relationships will build naturally from there. Don’t let this fear stop you from building the necessary relationships you need to grow your business and help others. 

Building connections is the key to your success.

So, even if you don’t enjoy putting yourself out there, you can still be good at it. You just need to remind yourself that networking is just providing value. The business cards, the lunches and the evening cocktails are all formalities. If you can share something valuable with every person you meet, you’ll be well on your way to fearlessly building your network, one conversation at a time.