How To Be A Boss Without Being A Bitch!

As women, we haven’t always had the best role models in the business world. More so now of course, but not always.

In the big bad world of business, we’ve either worked for men, been stomped on by them, or we’ve had women bosses who are, well … giant ass bitches.

As women, we still don’t have much of a roadmap when it comes to taking charge — we need to learn to own our role of queen bee, and in such a way that we can mentor more than manage. To become someone who is inspiring, offers value, leads, supports, and motivates … all at the same time. If you think about it, it’s quite the badge of honor. Women entrepreneurs often have a harder time than male entrepreneurs because we’re naturally inclined to be more nurturing. This means we tend to put other people’s needs before our own, which then tends to lead to burnout and a lack of time for ourselves, our passions, and our own never-ending to-do lists.

Honestly, sometimes I hate being a boss, I’m not always a good one.

My problem … I’m too friggin’ nice! And I get told this all too often. I don’t want to be perceived as a bitch or hurt anyone’s feelings and that clearly never works out very well — for me especially. And sadly, some realize this area that needs some room for improvement on my end early on and take advantage. I am not the only one who feels this way though. Especially as more and more women than ever these days take on positions of authority or run their own “show”. But there is sadly still an unspoken fear of being perceived as “bitchy” among many. It’s an unfortunate womanly title that never leaves our side. Fast-forwarding to where I am today … things for me personally have changed quite dramatically. I have learned so much from my “being too nice” mistakes and have learned to be a badass boss … without being a bitch. And here’s how you can too …

SET YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND BE REAL.

Plain and simple … people can’t read your mind (even though some joke it’s a special skillset they’d love to hire).

LISTEN AND BE FAIR.

Which is honestly the number one piece of advice I can offer you today. If you want respect, then you must also give it, as well as treat everyone equally. So, don’t ever let your position of power go to your head. There’s not room in this world for hefty egos.

KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK.

As women, we tend to be naturally emotional, and that’s very much okay. But we need to learn to better manage our emotions (alongside triggers – as we discussed in an earlier episode a few weeks ago). So, don’t let your emotions get in the way of making smart decisions and don’t let them get in the way of how you treat people.

Get over your fear of rejection. Oftentimes, on a deeper level we have the fear of being seen as a bitch … a horrible nasty one even. But if you’re often that type of business owner, as I mentioned earlier, you’re way too nice for your own good with traits of “harmonizer” where you don’t like conflict, pretty much avoid it at all costs, and you’ve not learned to be assertive while being too you’re afraid of being perceived as a horrible, mean business owner … you will avoid setting proper expectations and boundaries. Then when you do finally make some noise (thanks Andrea Owen for writing your book with this exceptionally well-expressed term!) and stand up for yourself, which is going to be required from time to time, this term will sadly become your name tag.

DON’T BE A SLAVE TO YOUR BUSINESS.

One of the greatest pains I see in small businesses, even those of our tangled clients sometimes, is that the business owner endures the cycle of being so busy working in their business that they can’t find the time to do the fundamental necessary things to grow beyond where they’re at. They find themselves stressfully stuck in a rapidly expanding rut for the daily grind. They’re literally a slave to their business – which tends to grow into resentment over time, and spill over onto team members, and maybe even clients too.

Breaking FREE of this self-imposed relationship with one’s business is not for the faint of heart. But neither is entrepreneurship. So, if you can figure out and own your strengths, stick to them and delegate the rest (especially those wretched routine tasks) then you’ll break the chain.

One must also try to remember to prioritize only the necessary things which could sometimes means sacrificing certain short-term endeavours in favour of more beneficial long-term ones. I know, I know … It’s painful and uncomfortable, and sometimes makes you want to pull your luscious locks out. The cost of freedom is not cheap. But the results are well worth it.

STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT.

This answer is quite short … comparison is the root of all evil. In a world gone mostly virtual and social, and the thought of entrepreneurship being all sexy n’ shit, and being equal to a holiday on a beautiful sandy beach where nobody has a worry or care in the world, and we just get paid to sleep in and have fun … it’s hard to imagine that when we build a business and see everyone else posting their amazing photos that we can have the exact same experience when we’re clearly struggling.

But what’s truly happening here is we’re comparing our chapter one … two … five … to their chapter twenty-two or more. So, harsh truth … plainly stop giving a shit of what you look like in comparison to others. You’ll just lose way too much time fucking around on social trying to “play” with the people who have already gone through the chapters you’re trying to tackle right now. It’s best to not try to run before you can walk. Learn to crawl first … you’ll be running in no time.

This next one is especially tough for me, both personally and professionally …

STOP SAYING SORRY ALL THE TIME.

Honestly, I triple dog dare you to count how many times you (or other women) say sorry in just one day. I know I’m sure guilty of it. But I’m working on it. Only apologize when it’s truly necessary — not for every friggin’ thing under the sun and them some. It makes you look less confident and weak in the knees. Confidence is sexy and will yield you the respect you deserve.

And last but certainly not least …

PUT YOUR SUPERWOMAN COMPLEX ASIDE.

I truly feel I don’t even need to explain this one, but I will anyways … You can’t do it all and be it all to everyone. Especially if you’re a super mom and a business owner, like some of our wonderful clients, and my wonderful VA. Trying to be a boss woman this way will leave you stuck more in your business than on your business. And when you’re not doing things as perfectly as you’d like, you will be left feeling guilty and ashamed. Which will then bring you down and toss all motivations to keep going right out the friggin’ window.

Oftentimes this just leads to foggy headedness, more unnecessary stress, while evoking #AllTheEmotions of being (or feeling) utterly out of control, and about having to keep on top of everything — but you’re oh so tired, so drained, and you just can’t. 

And it sets up this sense of “I can’t get it all done”.

So, whether it’s Hilary Clinton or Angela Merkel or character bosses, such as from the movie “The Devil Wears Prada” — or literally any other woman in a leadership role, being a female boss often come with this stupid title. One labelled “bitch.” When you’re in the seat of leadership, the pressures … the expectations … the responsibilities … and the constant demands for your time and attention is at times overwhelming. No matter how “un-bitchy” you intend to be, overtime you grow an edge. You establish thicker skin and learn to become more immune to the everyday BS.

And yet, if you want to inspire your team, your clients, your community — women leaders such as us, NEED to pour passion, clarity, vision and authenticity.

So, beyond everything I just shared with you today … How does one truly reconcile the horrible stereotype of being a bitchy boss?

The answer is quite simple …

You must do the work on YOU. You know … that deep, inner, conscious exploration of how you want to authentically show up in the virtual world, as well as offline and everywhere else in between.

Your business will grow to the extent in which YOU grow.

And realistically, we all know that to be true. It’s the hard-working leaders who invest in their GROWTH that win in the end. And I want YOU to WIN!!!!

I don’t want you to be defined by being a boss who’s also considered a “bitch”. I don’t want you to lose respect from your team or peers in the pursuit of being liked.

I want you to own your message and your story powerfully and confidently as a strong women leader, live it to the ultimate power daily, all the while using your personal brand to power your success.

Women have exceptional potential to be strong leaders in the business world. In fact, women-led businesses have a much higher success rate than businesses run by men. (Sorry guys, facts are facts!)

So, to all you wonderful women out there listening to my words (or the older podcast episode) today … we must learn to lead with the strengths that are unique to us. And when you see these “bitchy” type actions — or if this is you right now, or from time to time — a woman leader who is being extensively bossy or perhaps even a hard ass bitch, chances are she’s more than likely reacting from lack of recognition, respect, or even self-esteem.

Sadly though, the ones who act this way give the rest of us a bad rap. Fair or not, we should all take this as a cue to do things much differently.

Every single day, I am inspired by the women leaders, entrepreneurs, and mom-preneurs around me. Whether I know them personally or admire them enough to follow them on social basis. From older women with long running businesses with their wealth and wisdom alongside their generosity to impart them on gutsy younger women with oodles of confidence — which I know I sure didn’t have when I first grew into these virtual stilettos full-time. To the women in these same roles giving #AllTheThings their all and sharing the wealth of knowledge along the way.

Honestly, one of my most heartfelt passions in the work that I do —  “untangling” all the hard-working businesses out there — is to work with women entrepreneurs who are mothers, because I know that when I make their life easier, I am not only helping them be strong leaders in their businesses, but also helping them become better mothers as they’ll now have more time freedom to spend with their little ones, which in turn, builds better children and helps create a better world.

The lesson in today’s “untangling” blog post is that it is all about how you frame your perspective. If you are committed to believing that it sucks to be a woman CEO, you will be right, and it will suck to be you. But if you are committed to believing it’s awesome, you will be much happier and more confident to be you. And beyond yourself, everyone else will benefit from this mindset too!

Plain and simply ladies … stop being a bitch in your business. It’s unnecessary.

If you’re really “feeling it” right now … go pour yourself one heck of a strong drink, open your mind, decompress, put on some funky lipstick, and pull yourself together …

By making the decision to be a boss over a bitch, that decision is half the battle.

#YouGotThis!